Serg: Tale of the Tape

Home Town: San Jose, CA,USA High School: Oak Grove
Height: 6'2'' Wingspan: 73''
Would like to have a drink with: Clive Owen, so he could teach me how to be a man Would like to push down stairs: Nick Cannon
Serg's credo: Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die.

Professional

Semiconductor Industry

  • Designed, implemented, and administered multiple mission critical planning applications used by over 1000 users in 3 countries
  • Created inventory and capacity planing systems responsible for over 50 million dollars worth of equipment
  • Can bring down the 7 billion dollar company's manufacturing facilites in less then 10 minutes

Internships @ NUMMI, XEROX R&D, Outride

  • Self Proclamed NUMMI Co-Op of the year
  • Learn PHP in less then 4 days
  • Brought down the entire R&D groups's servers for a day then secretly fixed the problem
  • Wrote a Linux device driver from sratch without any previous experience w/ Linux/C/Drivers
  • Taught myself HTML, CSS, Perl, and SQL

San Jose Mercury News

  • Exploted a system loophole, granting over 50 people free subscriptions
  • Made customer service follow-up calls in 8 various accents

Paramount's Great America

  • Promoted from crew member to lead to Supervisor in 6 working months
  • Told multiple customers to go Burger King if they want it ''Their way''
  • Add/subtracted hours from employee's timecards as a motivational tool
  • Spent summer days in the walk-in refrigerator eating strawberries

Scholastic

California Polytechnic State University, College of Engineering

  • Bachelors of Science, Industrial Engineering, 2005
    • Attended only three lectures of Calculus III yet earned the highest grade in class
    • Took/passed 22 classes which didn't count toward graduation
    • Subiquently dubbed the ''Thomas Jefferson" of Cal Poly
    • Voted "Least Likely to Graduate" @ 2005 department awards banquet

Oak Grove High School

  • Member of ROTC Marching Team->Drill Team->Color Guard
  • Ran Santa Clara County's largest blood drive
  • President of the Legal Eagles mock trial club
  • Barred from N.H.S. admission because I was "too immature"

Baldwin Elementary

  • Never once named student of the week
  • Used self created batch file to erase copies of ''Oregon Trail'' from school PCs after being reprimanded from killing too many buffalos
  • Successfully made the transition from private to public school by the cunning use of cusswords and my backyard basketball court

Rainbow Bridge

  • Stole the confiscated toys box from the 2nd grade classroom and returned them to their rightfull owners
  • Portrayal of Christopher Robin dubbed the "breakout performance of 1988"
  • Stole the heart of Natalie Dupree from Jonathan Hart only to lose it to Joey Methe

Athletic

  • Red carded as a goalie for screaming at the opposing team's forwards during breakaways
  • Didn't learn the definition the word hussle during my first 3 seasons of soccer
  • White belt in Taekwondo
  • Broke my leg while trying to jump over a rope which was laying on the ground
  • Only male catcher in the Calpoly co-ed softball league
  • Awarded metals during all 3 Natomas Games olympiads

Shenanigans

  • Watched the entire first season of 24 in less then 24 hours
  • Failed the STAPLES ethics test
  • Lead over 20 strippers in Manila in a rendition of "Ain't no fun" followed by an extended "USA!" chant
  • Once got busy in a burger king bathroom
  • Proficent in the Hokey Pokey, Roger Rabbit, Electric Slide, White Tornado, Macarena, Soulja Boy, Heavy Shoulder Suffle
  • Conceived of the Man of the Year Competition