Pandemic: Tale of the Tape

Home Town: San Francisco, CA, USA High School: St. Ignatious
Height: 6'0'' Wingspan: 76''
Would like to have a drink with: Charles Chaplin Would like to push down stairs: Mao Zedong or Bush/Cheney
Pandemic's credo: ''My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!'' - Mike Tyson

Education

  • University of California, Hastings College of the Law, San Francisco
    • Juris Doctor
  • University of California at Berkeley, Berkeley
    • Bachelor of Arts- Legal Studies
    • Bachelor of Arts- History
  • St. Ignatius College Preparatory, San Francisco
  • Wrote 60-page graduation thesis on the JFK Assassination
  • Still clueless as to who shot Kennedy, but can point out all the cool discrepancies on the Zapruder film
  • Once went through an entire semester without reading a single page of class material while still writing a 30-page paper on the Jansenists during the French Revolution
  • Does not know what a Jansenist is
  • Once received a standing ovation in Silent Film 100 after final paper examining the cinematographic intricacies of Chaplin's "City Lights" was read aloud in lieu of the professor's lecture before the film's screening
  • Still only got an A- on the paper, motherfucker
  • Jeopardy Master

Athletics

  • 1st Team All League Water Polo
  • Captain: Water Polo and Swimming
  • Cal Intramural Basketball Champion
  • Completed a 1 on 1 unsanctioned sprint triathlon. Just because
  • Scored a 255 at Classic Bowl
  • Winner of first annual Man of the House Competition, defeating two roommates in various competitions of skill, luck, and intelligence
  • Current leader in ''P v P'' 40-event deathmatch

Shenanigan Timeline

  • 1983: Fell down 11 stairs while in a babywalker. Didn't shed a tear.
  • 1989: Peed through half of the Loma Prieta earthquake because it would've stung to stop.
  • 1994: Saved drowning classmate's life during a pool party.
  • 2001: ''Borrowed'' home plate from Stanford's Sunken Diamond.
  • 2004: Drank three 40s of Mickey's on an empty stomach. Puked guts out.
  • 2004: Made a Women's Studies major cry after explaining the inherent hypocrisy of her education.
  • 2006: Pong slapfight with Matt. Just because.
  • 2009: MOY in waiting.