Shawn Yapa: Tale of the Tape

Home Town: San Francisco, CA High School: State High (yeah, really)
Height: 5' 11'' Wingspan: 74''
Would like to have a drink with: The Dalai Lama - who doesn't drink so there's a chance he'd puke. Can't top a puking Dalai Lama. Would like to push down stairs: ASIMO - Fucking Robots
Shawn's credo: In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. - Yogi Berra

Outstanding Achievement

  • Have managed to write off Capital Gains losses in 5 out of 8 years of investing.
  • Found innocent on Sexual Harassment charges - TWICE
    • Where's the proof? It's my word against yours. And you're a whore.
  • Have introduced illegal drugs to 7 people. Made 2 of them puke.
  • Cheated on, got caught, and lost the only woman I've loved.
    • If you don't think that's an achievement...DON'T try it. Just trust me on this one.
  • Not married.
    • Nearly gotten railed into it a couple times, but have managed to be a total cad.
  • Showed no mercy and consistently pummeled my younger brother for over a decade.
  • Been described for a blind date by the majority of my friends as having "a good personality".
  • Participant in Man of the Year Competition 2009
    • Completed Biography

Education

  • Flunked out of college, and went back for more abuse.
  • Have 2 undergraduate degrees, BS Science, BA Economics, because one degree just wasn't painful enough. Use neither in my current technology job.

Professional

  • In a 10 year professional career, have received one award, for a team project.
  • Still have a job.

Athletic

  • At age 8, led my first baseball team to a single win in a 23-game season.
  • Recently broke my ankle and am no longer allowed to run. Ever.
    • My doctor's an ass, but he knows more than I do.

Artistic

  • At age 13, was asked by my piano teacher, Mrs. Penock, to stop coming to lessons as I wasn't talented nor was I improving.