Matt Di Gino: Tale of the Tape
| Home Town: San Francisco, CA, USA | High School: Saint Ignatius College Preparatory |
| Height: 5'11'' | Wingspan: 71'' |
| Would like to have a drink with: Cameron Poe | Would like to push down stairs: Every single person coasting in the left lane during rush hour |
| Matt's credo: Walking and breathing without keeping score is like playing Russian roulette with a cap gun. | |
The story of Matt DiGino
Bio:
| Working, eating, and socializing might be alright for the average man, but there are heights of masculinity that can only be reached by the upper echelon. And to determine the proper stratum of such a man requires a fair, wise, and challenging governing body. I throw myself into the inaugural Man of the Year competition not only to better myself through quantification of trivial feats, but to be one of a proud few who seek not mild glory in impressive accomplishments, but high praise in insignificant events. |
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Personal Accomplishments
- Gained 6 lbs to win all you can eat pizza challenge
- Incredible fantasy sports record in competitive Idle Time League - only triple crown champion
- BS in Electrical Engineering - Cal Poly San Luis Obispo
- Passed college level courses while attending less than half of the scheduled classes
- Trend setter: first to store pens by clipping to front pocket (way before it was cool)
- Watched all three LOtR extended movies back to back in one day
- Willingly gave myself food poisoning to impress my precious precious friends
- Once compared to Kobe Bryant by stranger during pickup basketball game in Cal Poly Rec
Records & Awards
- Former world record holder in the 40-20 (4:40); very manly vengeance and retribution planned
- Once peed for over 2 minutes
- Back to back under-13 Vikings league soccer titles
- Member of 7th grade CYO basketball championship team
- BB Gun and softball champion 1994 at Camp Salesian
- Blue Ribbon in 8th grade science fair
- Perennial Field Day champ in the standing long jump
- Most improved player 1997 JV soccer
- 3-on-3 intramural basketball champion 1997
- Amazing restraint shown when chance for back-to-back 3-on-3 titles thwarted by asshole PE teacher ('Oh no problem coach Calvello. We have no issue with deciding this tie game at the end of the period with a one spot shootout against a team dotted with illegal JV team players.')
- Multiple Natomas Games medal holder (including best overall) 2006-2009
Standards of Manhood
- Never used a smiley face in chat or text
- Have never asked and only once responded to the question, "What are you thinking?"
- Only buy pants after a previous pair tears beyond repair
- There is at all times a guy who "knows what I'm talking about"
- Maintained considerable sideburn length since sophomore year of high school
- Cut my own hair for one year
- Never seen Titanic
- Have seen every Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm St, and Halloween - recorded body count
- I take my women how I take my coffee every day in the morning. Hot and all over my lap
Caste over Time
After a prolonged bout with privilege and entitlement, beginning to approach previously inconceivable positive level of productive member of society (see chart):
Extreme Displays of Manhood
- Snorkeled in deadly water moccasin infested waters for hours
- Friggin' own Tyson in NES Punch-Out!!
- Punched a kid in the nose for using my tricycle on the first day of preschool
- Put up with an entire year of Tim's email bitching