Cousin Bobby: Tale of the Tape

Home Town: San Francisco, CA, USA High School: Saint Ignatius College Prepetory
Height: 5'10'' Wingspan: Unknown
Would like to have a drink with: The Earl of Sandwich Would like to push down stairs: Daniel Figoni
Cousin's credo: You can't spell 'dishonorable' without 'honorable'

Professional

GAP, Inc.

  • Inventory Planning Analyst
    • I explain to our merchants the financial reasons for why buying 500,000 velour tank tops is not a good idea

Maxim IC

  • Strategic Account Manager
    • Manage demand analysis, logistics, price negotiations, and manufacturing expedites for company's 3rd largest customer ($60M/year, no big deal)
    • Master of alt-tabbing

Adobe Lodge

  • Waiter, Bus Boy, Bartender, Grill Cook, Dishwasher, Floor Mopper, Table Setter-Upper
    • Made a mean quesadilla
    • Once served an entree to Johnny Cochran during an SCU law school dinner in late 2004

Cooper & Kirkham

  • Office Bitch
    • All the shit work an intern would do, but with no college credit

Scholastic

Santa Clara University, Leavey School of Business

  • Bachelors of Science, Commerce (emphasis in Marketing), 2005
    • 2 year officer of American Marketing Association, SCU chapter
    • 1 semester of study abroad in Rome, Italy
    • Completed 3 quarters of college-level Italian courses despite having answered most test questions in Spanish

Saint Ignatius College Preparatory

  • Student Activities included Stage Crew, Junior Statesmen of America, and SI athletics
  • Amassed great collection of polo shirts

Saint Brendan's School

  • 4-time crossing guard
  • Multi sport junior athlete (Soccer, Basketball, Tee-ball/Softball/Baseball)
  • Received a ''C+'' grade on 8th grade term paper. Resubmitted said paper, verbatim and unedited, two years later to a World History course at Saint Ignatius College Preparatory and received an ''A''

Athletic

  • 3-time Varsity, 3-time JV letterman for Saint Ignatius athletics (Cross Country and Crew)
  • Bronze medal at 2000 State Crew Championships
  • Six-time participation award winner on St. Brendan's basketball team
  • Point Guard for Saint Brendan's basketball "C" team that narrowly avoided two consecutive winless seasons when the opposing team went to the wrong gym and had to forfeit the final game
  • Bow seat oarsman on the ill fated "Leo La Rocca", an eight-man Saint Ignatius Crew vessel that capsized mid-race during a regatta at Lake Merced on a stormy April morning in 2000
  • Was excused from school at SI early on multiple occasions due to offsite Track and Field events, despite having never been a member of the Saint Ignatius Track and Field team.

Miscellaneous

  • Lost virginity to his freshman Resident Advisor at SCU
  • Lead guitarist for Hal 9000, a Santa Clara based punk/reggae band currently on hiatus
  • Urinated on Daniel Figoni's head from the 2nd floor of a construction site in Lake Tahoe
  • Has never rode a cable car, despite being a native, 19-year resident of San Francisco
  • Stabbed in the leg with a large butterfly knife
  • Interests include piracy, gambling on obscure sports, and rum-based cocktails
  • Man of the Year, 2009 (projected)
  • EAD, Dan.