MOY Competition - Chili Cookoff - Overview

HOSTED BY: Matt Di Gino

WHEN: April 11th, in the year of our Lord, 2009

WHERE: Outer Richmond, San Francisco, CA

DESCRIPTION:

It's chili time folks.
For the first time ever MoY is opening up its inner workings and letting you everyday mopes decide our fate.


Results !!!

The Podium

1st - Matt Di Gino (32 points)
2nd - Serg (27 points)
3rd - Daniel Figoni (23 points)

The Rest of Us Losers 4th Cousin Bobby (19.5 points)5th Vermillion Pancake (16 points)
6th Pandemic (14 points)7th Mudskipper (12 points)
8th Canon Matter, Matt Stephenson (8.5 points)10th Shawn Yapa (7 points)
11th Jimmy Soo Chew (6 points)

The Epic Story Thanks to all the chili lovers who came out. My house has a nice creepy-guy-down-the-hall scent to it now, but it was well worth it. The judges gathered in the living room, the moonshine was flowing, and descriptive adjectives like "earthy" and "herbaceous" popped a few of the chefs ears amongst the general chatter. Taste testing was in full effect, but who really cares. Let's talk about everyone's favorite 20% of the contest: the Viscosity portion.

The initial vision for this test entailed three rounds: the spoon stand, chip carry, and wall drip, with the anticipation of the last round eliciting the most excitement from me. Things did not turn out as planned though - there were some pleasant surprises and some major disappointments. Chili does not flick, stick, or drip as planned. It is a very stubborn dish. We retried and reworked the logistics of this test until the gathering birds and bugs made it glaringly clear that we needed to hose down the reddish-brown stained side of my house and admit defeat. There will be no wall drip this year kids. For the future food adventurists of the world, here are a few proven laws:
  1. You cannot administer a controlled flick of a spoonful of chili. The stuff just gets everywhere. It's actually a testament to the diversity of chili itself. A strong wrist snap is necessary to get the substrate of the chili - the bonding remnants - moving in a cohesive blob towards the wall, but this same snap will send those meat chunks and beans hurtling upward and outward and unmanageable velocities. And the ricochets are not welcome.
  2. Chili may stick to your ribs, but it has an entirely different effect on butcher paper. Abandoning the spoon flick for other application procedures did not help keep the stuff on the wall. Sergio was able to whittle a paper bowl into a somewhat useful device, but the rest of us failed miserably.
  3. Chili does not drip. It cakes, it heaps, it falls off, and it bakes in the sun, but it certainly does not drip in any kind of scientifically measurable way. There were two lines drawn on the butcher paper. The starting line (just below the splatter zone), and the finish line waaaayyyyy down at the bottom. After staring at Serge's entry for a few minutes we made the starting line the new finish line, and eventually made the starting line a crinkled wad of tissue thrown across the side yard in disgust.
The wall drip was not happening. I'm not saying it can't be done, but the next generation of hosts will have to heed these laws and develop better cook-off technology.

The chip carry and spoon stand, in stark contrast, went way better than imagined. Good think I bought the large postal scale for the heaping blobs of chili that made it down the runway on a single tortilla chip. And after a few combinations of spoons and trays, the spoon stand turned out to be the most scientifically sound procedure carried out. And if I didn't need to park my car in my garage eventually, Dan's Texas Resurrection entry would still be holding that silver utensil straight and proud.

Dan and Shawn tied for first in the Viscosity test, but holding only 20% of the final score, one of these chefs would find out how dangerous it is to put all of your eggs into one disgusting inedible basket. Our eventual fate laid, for the most part, in the mouths and minds of the judges. With Dan's chili finishing first in both Viscosity and heat, my Choco-chili finishing first in uniqueness and overall taste, and Serge's Jarritos Delight finishing in the top 4 in all categories, the overall champion was not a clear runaway.

The final results are as follows:


I'm glad you all came, I'm glad you all left without permanently staining anything, and I'm glad that little pig trophy is now adorning the center of my mantle. The judges seemed pleased with the quality of food served and the bird camped out in my stairwell the next morning, no doubt lured by the heavenly aroma, would probably agree. I stared and yelled from my front door peephole, but he just wouldn't leave. So I eventually did what any recently crowned Man of the Year event champion would do, and left via the back steps.

The Fine Print

For the competitors: Bring at least 1 gallon of homemade mouth igniting chili which will be judged on the following criteria:

  1. Originality 20%
    Each entry will have a special ingredient that shall remain secret until tasting. Judges will score this from 1-10 based on the uniqueness of the ingredient and how well it is incorporated into the dish.
  2. Heat 20%
    I want to see some wagging tongues in the tasters' circle. Also on a 1-10 scale.
  3. Viscosity 20%
    In order to quantify the rib-stickitude of each chili, they will be subjected to a series of tests. Initial ideas are wall drip, spoon stand, and dip carry.
  4. Overall Taste 40%
    Which chili has the judges coming back for more? And after ingesting 15 or so of these creations, seconds will truly be an amazing honor. This will be a ranking of each judge's order of preference.
For the judges: Just bring your favorite wooden spoon and an empty stomach.

Secrecy is imperative gentlemen. The chili will be served in unmarked bowls and all advanced knowledge should be kept close to the individual chef's vest. I want a jug band and some moonshine on site, but I'll see what I can scrounge up.