Taco of the Year
Inspired by the classic SNL skit ''Taco Town,'' six men of leisure
embarked upon a journey into culinary history. Their goal? Create the
world's foremost taco. Their secondary goal? Take lots of pictures and
make a funny slideshow of the attempt. And while the final product
resembled more of a deep fried birthday cake run over by a car, its
soul was all taco.
The morning brainstorming session went better than expected wherein 10
layers were finalized and approved:
- Hard taco: seasoned beef, jalapenos, salsa, shredded lettuce
- Soft corn tortilla: refried beans, guacamole
- Pita bread: red pepper hummus, banana leaf steamed sticky rice and sausage
- Garlic naan bread: Indian spinach curry
- Breakfast omelette: eggs, Italian sausage, shredded cheese, chicharrones, hot sauce
- Bacon lattice: intricately woven for maximum structural support
...Now here's where they hit a little road bump. The initial idea to
keep folding the progressively larger layers over each other in true
taco fashion was becoming glaringly impossible. Similar to the old
adage ''you can't fold a piece of paper in half more than 7 times,'' it
needs to be stated for the record that ''you can't fold previously
unrelated entrees over each other more than 6 times.'' Going with the
flow, these barrel-chested pioneers began construction of a secondary
super taco that they planned to slap on top of the core taco from the
other side, whereby creating a sort of taco sandwich layer cake. ''This
sounds like a great idea,'' they all agreed, their mouths unable to
hide the rivulets of escaping saliva as the thought sunk in.
And so, all the way down at the other end of the table, the secondary
taco consisted of:
- Thai mix: won ton wrappers, chicken, carrot sticks, peanut curry sauce
- Pizza: cheese, pepperoni
- Sloppy joe casserole: ground beef, tater tots, Manwich
- Large flour tortilla: the last line of defense between taco and table
...And slap! Where once there was merely a platter, now sat the
culmination of thousands of years of gastronomic ingenuity. The
pharaoh Khufu marveled at the immense size of the great pyramid of
Giza, the Earl of Sandwich bragged about his new handheld snacker, and
the guy who built the Empire State Building was in awe of the unheard
of heights to which mankind could now reach. That timeline of
construction milestones was updated this year in a humble home by the
beach in foggy San Francisco. But the task was not quite over. If TV
has taught us anything, it's that your appetite ain't satisfied 'til
your barbecue is deep fried. But how to fry this monstrosity? Some
suggested a bacon bandage, others posited an intense skewering, others
claimed it couldn't be done and washed their hands of the whole mess,
stomped off to the living room and wryly smiled to themselves in a
public display of inappropriate amusement.
The taco town super sandwich layer cake was enveloped in won ton wrappers glued together with egg wash, wrapped in twine and battered. A large three pronged hook was attached to serve as the lowering mechanism, and the brave group marched down to the deep fryer. With fire extinguisher in hand they watched as in a short five minutes, the delicate little food baby transformed into a super heated crispy brown ball of accomplishment.
Well done men. Not all endeavors conclude in a blazing triumph, but the journey...the journey is what defines you in the end.